Have you noticed more whipper snappers around

Let me preface this entry by saying I AM NOT GETTING OLD.

Have you noticed more punks (aka whipper snappers) around lately. Young kids who think they are the funniest, most clever person alive? I have. They're always on the train talkin' all loud on their walkie talkie functions on their phones. It's a PHONE you little brat, just call them. Why the hell do phones have a walkie talking function on them? The technology is has been made obsolete by the very device that it's on.

I saw a couple of girls sitting on the floor of the subway the other day. That just burns my oil. That's right, it burns my oil. I've never said that before, but yet it came so naturally to me. That's how much it upset me. Look little girls, we all want to sit on the floor sometimes, but we don't because it makes everyone's life harder because they have to look out for you so they don't step on you. (okay, maybe not everyone wants to sit on the floor of the subway, but the point is I don't like having to pay attention to anything I don't have to pay attention to.)

As i type this I can't help but think that I am getting closer and closer to being a "get off my lawn" type old man. But I'm not and I'll tell you why. Because when I get to that age I'm going to be "Crazy Ol' Mr. D'Addato". Because I'll have a sign on my lawn that says something like "stay off the lawn or I will haunt your dreams" or "Beware of the boogie man, because he's real" or for the older kids i would put up a sign that says, "Stay off lawn! No one will miss you. Trust me". Plus I will have a back lit cut out image of me with glowing red eyes in the window.

Man I'm looking forward to doing all that stuff. I better get old soon. It's gonna be great.

Oh, You Said Exotic...

Am I the only one who thinks that people should be a lot more careful with their use of the word "exotic" in print. If you are anything like me, the first time you read the title to this blog you thought it said Erotic. I alway always alway see erotic when it says exotic. Which conjures up all sorts of crazy images when I see signs. Like, what the hell are Erotic Fish? Can I really get a cheap flight to a bunch of erotic locations? And specifically from today, I wonder how an Erotic Smoothy tastes. Now that I am thinking about, it's probably pretty disgusting.

Times Indians Won

Yeah, sure Indians got a raw deal. They lost their land. They were the victims of genocide (which again, is not funny). But they did win in two places:

Sitting - Go ahead, name another group that has a way of sitting named after them? None! You can sit Indian style or normal style, but that's it. You can sit in like 30 different way, but we honored them with a name.

Burial Grounds - You go anywhere near an Indian burial ground and some crazy shit is going to happen. Ghost will try to eat your kids. Your dead cat will come back and hiss a lot. Walls will tell you to move. An average burial ground is spooky but an Indian burial ground is like a super natural power crazy place.

So, you know, they got that going for them...and casinos.


(it's possible the Indian in Indian style sitting refers to the other type of Indians, the kind from India. If that is the case, oops. Still they have the Burial Ground thing.)

Testing Something

Hey, I'm trying to get all modern like and test another way to blog. So if you see this and you're like, what? Why is he blogging but not writing about anything, well, it's because I am testing something.



And why can't you ever give me the benefit of the doubt. Seriously. I try really heard.

powered by performancing firefox

The Magic of Holiday Plastic

I am a complete believer in real Christmas Trees. As soon as you smell one you are instantly like, "damn, now that's frickin' Christmas" (I don't know why you swear so much). My grandfather had the ability to argue a $100 Christmas tree down to $15. That's my grandfather on my father's side. My grandparents on my mother's side had a fake tree. It was a nice little tree, at one point that is. Not by the time I was old enough to remember.

For some reason that I will never understand, every year my grandmother would take the tree out of the box, put it together and (and this is the unusual part in case you don't pick up on in) she would cut the tree to make it symmetrical. As far as I can tell, and please correct me if I'm wrong. but plastic does not grow. I mean, I've heard about a lot of advancement in plastics. But I don't think my grandparents had space age technology put in their Christmas tree. So each year the tree got smaller and smaller.

I once introduced the concept of labeling each branch so she would never have to cut it again but I was a child. I figured there was something that i just didn't understand. Now, 25 years later, I still don't understand.

Look What I Did!

Hey y'all. A few weeks back I mentioned that I worked on something with a real life muppet dude. Now it's done! You can check it out here: www.dogshowusa.com. Click on the "video" tab and then choose the button that says Dog Show USA. There are 4 "Webisodes" there. I did those.

Please remember they are intended for super dog lovers, not comedy elitists from the LES. But it's still cool. While the dog in it is not technically a Muppet (because it's not owned by Henson) the guy who controls it does regularly work for Henson so it's pretty damn close.

Don't Mess With A Good Thing!

Over the last few days I have heard a lot of people talking about their plans for Thanksgiving. One thing has struck me (and by struck me I mean upset me and slightly pissed me off) about the plans I have been hearing. Most of them DO NOT involve eating Turkey. I've heard getting Chinese Food. I've heard making a Ham. I've heard doing nothing at all.

I know I am prone to non fancy or different food, but god darn it all to heck, Thanksgiving is about turkey. The pilgrims came here so we could eat it! Millions of Indians died so we could eat it (there's nothing funny about that. I don't even know why I said it. Genocide does not get funnier as you get further away from it you heartless bastards).

Why do I care? Because America is a melting pot. We have different cultures. Different religions. Different holidays. But we all share Thanksgiving (except for the previously mentioned American Indians. And for the record it's still not funny what happened to them. It's really tragic and immoral). When you start messing with the one tradition we all share you are just being a douche (and by that I do not mean that you make women feel spring fresh in their naughty place).

Anyway, Happy Thanksgiving!

Comic Relief 2006

So this past weekend was Comic Relief 2006. If you're like me you didn't know they were still doing it either. As a comic I ask this, PLEASE STOP.

Look, I love charity and those that give to it. People need help. In this case they were raising money for Katrina victims. Great cause. So why am I against it?

Because Whoopi, Billy and Robin never need to be on stage again. Yes they are icons of comedy and yes they have all made me laugh a lot. But they are done. They fell victim to the Eddie Murphy syndrome. They got old. They lost touch. They love money more then laughs.

If they are going to do it again they should step aside. I could think of a few comics who love charity and need exposure. (I'm talking about me!)

Yeah, I drink like a girl. You wanna fight about it.

Listen, I admit it. I don't like beer. I never have. What makes matter worse is that I do like Bacardi Silver and Smirnoff Ice. So yeah, I drink like a 14 year old girl from Long Island. But like the kids who eat Apple Jacks, I drink what I like.

I didn't drink all that much in college and not at all in High School so I never developed a taste for beer. And that's what people are doing. Developing a taste for it. Beer is nasty.

But I admit it. Much like smoking, drinking beer looks cool. Damn you peer pressure!

Now do you get it teenagers!

Tonight I was all set to host my show, People I Like. I was really looking forward to it. I mean, sure it was raining like it had been 3 of the last 4 times but I was not to be deterred. I was going to get there early and I would ready. Then I got to the venue, Mundial. I think you can see where this is going.

Apparently they had been closed down because of underage drinking and no one decided to tell me. See teenagers, when you drink you don't just hurt yourself. You hurt comics who are just trying to get their name out there. People who may be frustrated about having to find yet another venue. But you don't think about that do you teenager? You are just thinking about that next high. Or is it fighting authority that you are thinking about today teenager? Forget it, Authority is going to kick your ass.

I hope you are happy drunk teenager.

Check Out Acid Test!

For those of you that don't know, I am currently directing a live improv show called Acid Test. The first Saturday of every month we present two awesome improv groups. But it's not your typical theater show. We've got a full on control room and three cameras and we are taping the whole thing. Then we stream it to the internet.

Check it out at www.acidtest.tv. It's pretty cool. Ryan Sturt is producing the whole thing and is the internet wizard behind the whole thing. We had a great show tonight which should be on the web by Monday morning.

I didn't have to go to bed this time!

When I was 6 and living with my grandmother and mother I was the subject of cruel and unusual punishment. I was forced to go to bed immediately before the start of the Muppet Show. What? The show meant for kids and I had to go to bed. I was pissed.

As I grew older I was eventually able to stay up and watch and I loved it. So many dynamic and hilarious characters. The Muppets were and are amazing. Whether you are talking about the huge heart and little body of Kermit the Frog or the tragic comedy stylings of Fozie Bear you have to admit they are great characters. And they are so real, so life like.

Well guess what I did today. I directed a shoot with a real life Muppet puppeteer. While technically the puppet in this shoot was not a full on Muppet, it was damn close. I. Dustin D'Addato got to call the shots on a Muppet. I was not disappointed. The little guy was everything I hoped it would be. I should be posting it on the web in the next month or so. Until then I just wanted to brag that today I got to hang out with a puppet and got paid for it.

We Must Protect The Children

There is a terrible threat facing out children today. It's not drugs or gangs or the return of communism. It a PBS show called Boobah.

Okay, so maybe it is kind of drugs because this show is the most tripped out thing I have ever seen in my life. Look, I know this show is for kids, but come on man.

The basic idea of the show, as far as I can see, there are several creatures that are actually balls of light that only have a round body and eyes. They can't talk. They can only move their eyes back and forth in a very shady fashion. They spend 90% of the episode dancing around in a rhythmic fashion. They can fly. Their whole world consists of brightly colored rainbows and white energy areas.

As I suspected I am not doing a very good job explaining it. Here is the website http://www.boohbah.com/. You tell me what's going on that website. Once you click past the home page, there are no words. It's just craziness. And if you live in NY, you can check it out every morning on wliw (Channel 21 on Time Warner) at 8 am.

This show is going to really mess with kids. It's messing with me. I'm watching it right now and they have a little girl standing on a rainbow circle on a golf course looking down and then standing up over and over again for like two minutes. There is no redeeming quality to this show. I am 100% certain this is children's programming brought to you by the producers of High Times.

Watch it and let's discuss.

Saving Money Is Hard

Do you have any idea how hard it is to save money in this city? You probably do. I mean, when you are paying $5 for a coffee and $10.50 for a movie you know that money is just flying out the door for no reason.

The reason I bring this up is because I've found out today how often people try to scam you. I purchased something over the internet today and they totally lied to me. They added costs they didn't tell me about at first. They told me something cost $125 bucks when I know full well that is should only cost $35. I thought I was going to get a good deal, but instead I just got pissed off.

I'm not mister consumerism and I hate to defend big business, but I am getting a better understanding of why big companies get big. After I told the website to go screw I checked in on a big companies website and they had the same thing, with a long warranty and free delivery for only a few bucks more.

As much as it sucks, Starbucks coffee is really good. The seats at the $10.50 movie are very comfortable and the big chain actually deserves to be a big chain. All those things may be the reason that other countries hate us and why a lot of people here hate us, but they are also why America is so fun. And I like fun.

Happy Birthday To My Lady

Today is Joy's (my girlfriend) birthday. If you see her please wish her a happy birthday. I felt it only right to spend some time talking about her.

For those of you who don't know her, she's pretty cool. She's one of the most supportive people in the world. She is always looking to make sure everyone is happy. I seriously recommend her, but you can't have her she's mine.

It's been my experience that you meet a lot of people in life who want something from you. People who are only looking out for themselves. When they see good things happen to others they get jealous or bitter. Joy couldn't be any less like that. She gets excited for others when good things happen for them. She's always trying to do whatever she can to help people achieve whatever they are seeking.

She's got an amazing curiosity for other cultures and other places. She has no fear of putting on a backpack and going to another country all by herself and just playing by ear.

And best of all, she's silly. She makes me laugh.

She'll deny it, but she's one of the best people I know. Anyone who knows her falls in love with her pretty quickly. Forget what I said before, if you see her, do more than wish her a happy birthday, make sure she has a happy birthday. Give her a hug. Or come chocolate. Or Ice Cream.

Watch Out For Stationary Objects

Yesterday I full on walked into a pole. It was one of the scaffolding poles. It was dark. I was talking. I just didn't see it. I have a small bump on my head now and a messed up collar bone.

Lately I have found that I walk into a lot of stuff. Often hurting myself. I estimate that I hurt myself by being a dumbass about once every four weeks. Which is an increase of this time five years ago. At my current rate of dumbass injury I should be in a wheelchair by the time I am 38 and completely paralyzed by the time I am 65.

Why am I sharing this information with the world. Because wheelchairs are very expensive, as is taking care of a person who is paralyzed. Rather than having a big fundraiser later on, I thought it would be easier if everyone just saved 25 cents a day for my wheelchair fund.

Seriously, this is going to happen people and I would be really helpful if I could get one of those really cool electric wheelchairs. Like this one...

(p.s. if there is an optional grenade launcher option I would really appreciate that also.)

Come See Me Tonight - if you're not a communist

So if you haven't seen me perform in a while or not at all or just want to see me again, you are going to have two great chances in the next week.

Tonight I will be doing a 25 minutes set at the P.I.T. on a show called Comedy is for Humans. Here are the details for the show:

Comedy Is For Humans
(TONIGHT) Friday, October 6th @ 8pm
The Peoples Improv Theater
154 West 29th st.
New York, NY
212.563.7488

Next Wednesday I'm hosting my show "People I Like...". We've got some awesome stand ups coming to the show as well as a bunch of special guests for the show. Here are the details for that show:

People I Like...
Wednesday October 11th @ 8 pm
Mundial
505 12 Street (between Ave A & B)
New York, NY

I'll Miss You Stealing Bartender

I found out that the bartender at one of the venues I go to a lot was fired a few weeks ago. Apparently he had been giving people less change then he was suppose to and then keeping the extra. I guess if you want to be a stickler for morals, then what he did is wrong. But he gave me free sodas. I know that doesn't sound like much of anything but I really like soda. I like it more when it's free. We had our little thing. I would only ever order soda. I would always offer to pay and he would always say no. Then I would tip him a dollar. We would chat about what comics he liked and who sucked.

He was a cool dude, except for the stealing (but who doesn't steal sometimes. I could tell you stories, trust me). I will miss him. That's it. No jokes.

It's just interesting how people come in and out of your life and you never even realize it. I mean there are the big ones that you realize. The exgirlfriends and boyfriends. The good friends you moved away from or grew apart from. But there are plenty of smaller "bit" players in your life who just come and go. In a year or two I might not even remember who the hell I am talking about right now. I'm not saying that this a bad thing or a good thing, just that it's interesting.

When You Just Can't Eat

When you just don't have time to grab a regular meal here are some suggestions:

Skittles: They are very filling. You can go another two hours off a bag of skittles and if you eat only a few at a time they can last a while. But don't get tropical fruit. That's not a meal.

Doritos - The are even more filling then Skittles and more tasty. Problem is, you're hands get all orange. However, orange is one of the main food groups, so it provides calcium or protein or something.

Gummy Candy (preferably the soda bottle kind) - While not full on filling, if you ear enough they can give you "stomach issues". That solves all your hunger needs.

How I Know My Girlfriend Loves Me

Tonight was the first People I Like show at our new venue, Mundial. We had some great sets turned in by all. We're still building an audience for the show so we didn't have as many people as would have liked.

Mundial is judging our worthiness based on how many drinks our sold so it was important that people drink a lot. When is it began to look like the bar was not going to be as busy as we had wanted my girlfriend Joy took it upon herself to carry the weight of the show and drink, drink drink her way to a successful show.

Right now she is passed out on the bed, in the cloths she had on all day, occasionally looking up and saying "I don't feel so good." She drank so much that she now feels horrible.

She drank that much because she loves. And that's cool.

People I Like... This Wednesday!!!

Nick Turner and Dustin D'Addato Present:

New from the Producers of "Poker Night" comes "People I Like."

People I Like @ Mundial
505 E 12th st. between Avenues A & B
Wednesday, September 27th
8:00 pm ABSOLUTELY FREE!
Our Frickin Amazing Line-up:
Shayna Ferm (Fearsome, www.shaynaferm.com)
John Mulaney (Live at Gotham, Oh, Hello, www.johnmulaney.com)
Kurt Braunholer (Hot Tub, Neutrino, www.hottubvariety.com)
Nate Bargatze (Caroline's, www.myspace.com/)
Baron Vaughn (Aspen Comedy Fest, Winner: Sexiest Motherfucker in the
World Contest)

Check out the line up above (incase you don't know, that's a frickin amazing line-up. Ever one of those people are frickin hilarious. It's going to be an AWESOME show.)

Come to our new location, Mundial, (505 East 12th st. btw Ave A and B)
And it's not $5 anymore, it's free. And it's our first one
and we want to make a good impression so if you're thinking, "I'll see
this sometime," then make that sometime this time.

See Ya At The Show!!!!

Websites:
People I Like - www.peopleilike.blogspot.com
Nick Turner - www.gonickturner.com
Dustin D'Addato - www.dustindaddato.com

Don't Send My Regards to Broadway

I haven't been to a Broadway in a while. Odds are you haven't either. Today I had to head over to the area to buy tickets to a show for my parents. (it's their 25th anniversary. Way to go them!!!). I got them tickets to Jersey Boys (don't worry, they already know about it. It's the only thing that they wanted so it was what I had to get.)

When i got to the ticket office I found out that the soonest you could get any two seats anywhere in the theater was 4 months away. The soonest you could get them in the first 5 rows of the mezzanine was mid March. God damn it!

Okay, maybe it's a good show (although i doubt it) but think about that for a moment. There are about 600 Seats in the theater, 8 shows a week and 25 weeks before I can buy a mezzanine seat. That's 120,000 people seeing this show. And that's at an average of $100 a seat.

I produce a show, which is very funny and free and I can barely get 20 people in the door for an average show. Come on Jersey Boys. Stop taking all the people. Just give me something like 50 a week. That will have no effect on you at all, but to me, I will be happy every week.

If I ever see you walking down a dark street Jersey Boys, I am going kick your ass.

The Last Baseball Post For A While!

I played little league for three years. In those three years we won the "world series" of our little crappy league all three years. The second year, we only lost one game. That last year we won every single game.

During that entire time I never contributed to one out. Not one! I mean, really what are the odds of that? 3 seasons. 15 games per season. 9 innings per game. 3 outs per inning. For those keeping score at home, that's 1215 outs. I never helped with one of those outs. It would seem like I would have had to have gone out of my way to accomplish that task, but to me it just comes natural.

However, I did score the winning run in the "world series" the second year. Here's the story. It's the bottom of the 8th. The score is tied. 1 out. I'm up to bat. Before the I got up to bat the coach pulled me aside and said "Take two strikes before your swing". For those that don't know, that means, "you can't hit to save your life, so hope for a walk". You know what, it worked. I walked on 4 straight balls. Next up, the best kid on our team. He crushes the first pitch. It's high. It's far. It's caught by the outfielder. I tag up. The outfielder throws to first instead of second. I round second, head to third. The first baseman over throws third. I break for home. The third baseman over throws home. I score. We hold on for the win. I get covered in beer even though I am 10 years old.

6 Thing You Should Shout at Baseball Games...

Hey (player you don't like) you don't stand for good family values!!!

I'm content with your performance thus far (your favorite team).

Stop sucking!!!

Play better baseball!

You should practice the fundamentals!

Nobody like you (player you don't like)!

The Mets Win...so that happened.

Tonight I saw the New York Mets clich the N.L. East title for the first time in (I have no idea) years. I'm a Yankees fan, so to be honest with you I didn't really care all that much about the Mets doing well but hell, I'm from New York, so Go New York, Go New York, Go New York, Go!

Here's my question, and please if you know the answer respond, who do we still do the Daan danta da CHARGE! chant. I understand "We Will Rock You". I understand that Gary Glitter song, but the Charge thing, isn't that from the Revolutionary war? We're still using chants from the revolutionary war? I think we can put that to bed at this point. Haven't we learned that other than America's independence, everything that people did, said and every way they acted was wrong. Slavery. Getting really pissed about Tea. Cobbling.

Stay tuned for tomorrow when I will be blogging my list of fun things I like to yell at baseball games that I think other people should yell out too.

Seriously, The Q Train????

Has anyone else noticed that at night the Q train comes like all the time. I take the N and it seems like it's 5 Q trains for ever N. Are that man people taking the Q? I know exactly 2 people who take the Q and neither of them want to be taking the Q. Does that mean the Q is just a pity train?

How can the Q train live with itself when it knows that the G train only comes about once every 4 hours and never on the weekends.

Check Out Eli Whitney Tonight

If you haven't seen it yet, I'll be showing "History That Happened: Eli Whitney" tonight at video showing show. It's a video I did with Kristen Swensson and Nick Turner.

Here's the deal with the show:

Video Night at the East River Bar

Sunday, September 17
7pm-Grillin/8pm-Screenin
97 South 6th Street between Bedford and Berry
(take the L train to Bedford or the JMZ to Marcy)
FREE!

Join New York Citys finest comedy troupes at the East River Bar for an evening of grilling and video comedy sketch screening. The grilling starts at 7pm its BYOBBQ (feel free to bring meats, veggies, and other assorted sundries/the East River Bar will handle the beer), and at 8pm, the patio becomes an outdoor movie theatre.

Lineup Includes: A Week of Kindness, Fearsome, The Bare Hand Wolf Chokers, TheBurg.tv, Trophy Dad, Dawghaus, Elephant Larry, Favorites from Channel 102 and me.

If you can't make it to the show, you can check it out on Youtube.com by clicking here

Firefox - Get Up On It.

Yo, you gots to check out Firefox. I just discovered that bitch today and it's off the chain y'all. Like so dope I am talking in street slang son. Firefox pops a cap in the ass of pop-ups. Ads on a page are as gone as (something).

Check it, before you wreck it, (by it, the first time I mean Firefox, the second time I mean yourself. In otherwords, don't wreck yourself. What would be a really funny obituary though. Today we are here to remember (your name) who had to leave us so early because (he/she/it) totally wrecked (himself/herself/itself). It would sound funny, unless Ice Cube was saying it.)

Hey, I'm back

I'm back but I'm not telling anyone I know. Heck, no one reads these things anyway.

I've got news too. Poker Night is coming back, but this time it's going to be different. First of all it's got a new name, it's called "People I Like,,,". There is a bit more to the title, but I don't know what is it.

You don't know the name of your own show, you ask. No, I talked about it with my co-producer Nick and he wrote it down. At least I hope he did. I think he did.

The format is going to be a little different too. Longer sets. Fun sketches. New Venue. It's going to be a whole new thing. Not like any other show you have seen.

Poker Night - May 9th

Hey, the next one is coming up. You should check it out. Who will be there:

Seth Herzog
Claudia Cogan
Josh Grosvent
Gabe and Jenny
Trophy Dad

DJ Tanner (katherine bryant) will be spinning tunes and Jack Kukoda will be returning as a guest co-host.

See ya there.

Monster Ballads - You know you love it

Let's all admit it people. When the commercial for Monster Ballads comes on, there is a part of you that goes, "Fuckin' Yeah." Monster Ballads rule. I believe that when history looks back on music compilation CD's that Monster Ballads will be known as the best CD ever to be printed. It is the Citizen Kane of CD compilations. The Mona Lisa. The sliced bread. The Double Stuffed Oreo that’s also covered in chocolate of music.

So you’re asking yourself, why is this CD so good? Why could it possible by be the resurrection of Christ in CD form. I’ll tell you why, at least for me. People it deals with the internal paradox that is living within me. Everybody knows that there are two parts of me.

Part 1: The God Damn Butt Kickin’ Party Dude
If you know me, you know I love to party. Party Harty Marty, I always say to Marty. Much like Poison I enjoy Nothin’ But A Good Time or like Warrant, I enjoy Cherry Pie.

Part 2: Sensitive Ass Mother F’er
I admit it. Sometimes I just gotta cry. Gotta get it out. I gotta know, Is This Love. I need to understand it in More Than Words. I guess I just need Something to Believe In.

You see, if these hardcore rockers can take it down a notch, then so can I. I can still be the guy who isn’t afraid to cut a guy for looking at me the wrong way, and then cry a tear because my lady doesn’t understand me.

Thank you Monster Ballads for telling me that it’s okay.

Do something nice!

A friend of mine is involved in a really great fundraiser to help cancer survivers this weekend. Please take a moment to check it out, attend if you can.

www.forchrisinda.org/events.htm

Poker Night - Returns Tomorrow

Hey,

Poker Night returns tomorrow and this one looks awesome. Look at this line up:

Baron Vaughn (Aspen Comedy Fest, Comedy is for Humans)
Kurt Braunholer (Hot Tub, Nuetrino, Chengwin)
Becky Yamamoto (Brutal Honesty)
Sara Schaefer (Best Week Ever. Sara Schaefer is Obsessed with You))
Elephant Larry (D.C. Comedy Festival, SketchFest TV)
And guest host: Jack Kukoda


Stop on by. We'll be at:
Ace of Clubs
9 Great Jones.
8 pm on Tuesday April 11th

Why Did It Take So Long?

What is the most amazing invention of the last 50 years? The Internet? Cell Phones? NO! Come on people, it's the chocolate fountain. My only question is, what took so long? It's a river of amazing chocolate, perfect for you dip things in it.

It seems to me that something like this should have been invented before the cell phone. It was easier. It in many ways makes people happier. I remember the first time I saw one. It was at the wedding of a good friend of mine. People looked at it as though it held the cure for cancer and all they needed to do was place a strawberry on a stick and dip it in, and all of their problems would be solved. And in a small way they were. People who are happy live longer. So I think the fountain is a cure for some stuff.

Sure you may say that the fountain is also a cause of being fat. Okay, yes. But isn't that why we invented the internet and the cell phone? So we wouldn't have to move....Ever!

Caroline's Went Great

For those of you who couldn't make it to Caroline's, it went great. I was so proud of all the Skeegers. It really was a great show and the audience loved it.

If you don't know the history of Skeeger, the whole thing started in a now defunct theater above the famous porn theater Show World. It was a rough going for a while and the group went through many transitions. To come this far was amazing. I felt so happy for all of them. They accomplished so much in what is really a small amount of time.

Good job Skeeger!!!

Skeeger At Caroline's

Tonight, March 27th at 9:30 pm the sketch group that I direct, Skeeger is performing at the world Famous Caroline's on Broadway.

They will be performing the funniest sketches of the last three years on one of the biggest comedy stages in world. If you are free tonight I suggest you check it out. It helps out a lot if you make a reservation. You can do that by calling, (212) 757-4100. Make sure you say you are going to see Skeeger. That helps us out a lot and it gets you a reduced rate.

See ya there tonight.

Oh, and you can find out more about skeeger at skeegersketch.com

That Satan Is One Clever Dude (sources say)

When I was in college, the guy who lived next to me was very Catholic. As a very not religious person, one of my favorite activities was to ask him questions that would undermine his faith in the bible.

Examples:
If the whole bible is true, but Genesis has 2 stories of creation, how can both stories be true?

According to the Bible, before Jesus died, there was no heaven. Isn't that a dick move to all the people who lived before Jesus?

Babies can't get confirmed, so they can't go to heaven. Is that not also a super dick move by God.

But my favorite question and my favorite answer that he gave was for the following question: What up with dinosaurs? His answer - Satan. That's right. Satan created dinosaurs. Why? To help destroy people's faith in Christ. I laughed for like 20 minutes. Apparently, Satan understood that we would one day come up with the theory of evolution and made sure that his bones matched ours close enough.

The thing is, after I though about it for a while. I was like, damn, I know that's totally wrong, but if it was true, that Satan is one clever dude. I mean, if he puts a big burning flame in the sky that says Jesus Was Not The Son of God, well then we totally know he is. But bones are so subtle. So if it's true, way to go Satan, because you totally got me.

(oh, and as far as the questions above. God can do anything and we can't understand it, but both stories are true. Yes, both of those two things are a dick move, but God has his reasons for anything. Which just made me wonder, why would you be into someone who's such a jerk to you. Is it like a wife who gets beaten. Is it just that we don't understand how much God loves him. That whole thing sounds kind of sad to me)

The New Other Blog Launches Today!

Hey,

My new other blog lauches today. It's different then the one I promoted a few weeks ago. But check it out.

http://thebeechairdebates.blogspot.com/

I am doing it in conjunction with several other people. So it should be updated daily.

Come To Poker Night and Other Blog Delay

Hey. Come to poker night tonight. It's going to be a great show and Nick is going to LA for a while you want to see him before he goes.

Also, the other blog will be delayed for a week, but it's going to be good. Even better than I thought it was going to be, so start getting excited.

Poker Night, Next Tuesday & Yanni

Next Tuesday, March 14th @ 8 pm is the next Poker Night.

They have been going to great. We've got a bunch of funny guests and an awesome Sketch Group.

And this will be the last show with Nick for two months. 2 months... What will we do without him? It makes me sad to even thing about (just go with it, he's reading this)

Oh, and Yanni beat his girlfriend. I love that. I love everything about that, (except for the woman getting hit. That should never happen ever) But the fact that it was Yanni. Great! I want Yanni to hit me. Please. Yanni, I think you suck, punch me in the face. I think I would hit him back and intentionally break my hand. That way people would say, "Hey, what happened to your hand" and I would say, "I broke it punching Yanni." Then they would say, "Nice!"

That's a conversation I want to have.

The Times, They Are A blah blah blah

So starting next week, from the exciting world of Dustin D'Addato Productions (I just made that up) comes a new blog address and focus.

So where is it going:

http://hownottosuck.blogspot.com/

It's a guide to making your life better, in a very untouchy feely kind of way. It launches next week. So check out the initial post for more info and check back next week.

As for Dustindaddato.blogspot.com, will be updated weekly and be more personal and focus more on my comedy career and how it is progessing. See you at both I hope.

Check back tomorrow for exciting Poker Night info

Screw the Sex Pistols

That's right, I said it! Screw the Sex Pistols. They just turned down an induction into the Rock & Roll Hall of Fame. I know, I know. It fits in with the whole Anarchy thing. But guess what Sex Pistols, you were never that good. It was the time and place that you came up.

You made one frinkin' album. One. And you think you are the best thing to happen to rock ever? Pearl Jam make 2 great albums. Guns N' Roses made 1 and 1/2. You made one. So when the R&R HOF calls, you show the fuck up and say thank you. You weren't geniouses. You were crazy people who could play music. Like Charles Manson but not as charasmatic.

Granted Bob Seger and The Sex Pistols should not be attending the same ceremony. I'll give them that. But then punch Bob Seger when you see him.

And why aren't they dead. They should be dead. I don't wish death on them, but I can't figure out how they are alive. They're all like 50. And in all that time, they only wrote one album. They say because they never needed to write another one. Well, you're wrong...Stupid Sex Pistols.

Swept Away...By Curling

Curling Fever, it's an epidemic people. The country can't get enough. From the "Curl Girls" Cassie and Jaime Johnson to Pete Fenson and Joey Polo, Curling has been rocking everyone's world. Or maybe just mine.

So far it has been bitter sweet. The girls only managed to win one game. If only Cassie was as good at Curling as she was at looking good, she would have won all her games (that picture is her). But the men are doing well and if they win on Friday they could bring home the first ever US Curling Medal. So that's something

But here is the thing I found out. All the people on the girls team and all the people on the men's team are all from the same town. ALL OF THEM. A town of 20,000 people has given us all the Curling people. I very much doubt that all the best curlers in the world the US come from there. Which makes me think...I should move to that town and become a curler.

I could be 4 years away from representing the United States in Curling. How hard can it be. It's shuffleboard on ice. Granted, I am not very good a shuffleboard. But I am decent at hockey. So that's got to mean something.

But I want to be a rock & roll curler. I am all about talking shit during the game. Playing music. Picking a team name that will inspire fear like "The Curl Killers" or "The Enders" (because each inning is called an "end"). And of course I would have a sterling silver skull on the end of by broom.

Curling world, you are about to be rocked. And if anything ever happens between my girlfriend and I, then Cassie, you are also about to be rocked....(maybe, I am okay with us just getting to know each other. You know, learning about each other and seeing if we have anything in common. Seeing if we share common views and goals. Appreciating each other as people. But again, that's only if something happens to my girlfriend, whom I love very much)

But I Will Still See It...

First off, let me say that I generally don't like Paris Hilton jokes. There are some that are funny, but for the most part I think she is an easy punchline. But there comes a time when you have to mention her because the world has made it so. Today is that day.

According to internet superinfo place IMDB.com Paris Hilton is being considered to play Mother Teresa. Don't believe me? Check it out. (http://www.imdb.com/news/wenn/2006-02-16/) That is the worst casting that has ever existed in the history of casting. You could have Jamie Foxx playing George Washington and I would say okay, he pulled off Ray and a bunch of other guys. Who knows. I would buy Tom Cruise as MLK jr. He's crazy but he makes fun movies. I'll check it out.

But Paris Hilton as Mother Teresa. Hasn't she been screwed enough. The chick hangs with lepers for like 50 years. Eating dirt and peeing in a hole in the ground. Then when she dies and should get a hero's funeral, Princess Di goes and gets killed and suddenly it's like Mother who?

Now she is to be immortalized by one of the most superficial people ever. Can't we help a brother out. What's Chalize doing? She can do it. Someone has to stop this. NOW!!!!

You Look Sick...And Ugly!

Being sick sucks. You feel bad. You feel gross and you just want to hide in your bed until you feel better. But all to often that's not possible. You must venture out into the world even though you don't want to.

And for some reason people feel the need to point out to you your sick. And often not politely.

Example conversation:
You look sick.
Yeah, I'm not feeling well.
No. I mean you really look bad. Are you okay.
Yeah, I'll be fine.
Are you sure? You look horrible.

When else is it okay to say someone looks horrible? Why is it suddenly okay now? The sick person is already down, now they have to struggle with being ugly also. People should lie.

Example conversation:
Are you sick?
Yes, why?
Because you look hot.
Really, because I feel like crap.
Well it looks good on ya. You should get sick more often.
You think?
Oh yeah, listen if you're not doing anything right now, might I suggest me?

Then people would not mind being sick. And thinking positive helps people get healthy. So don't be a dick, screw a sick person.

Presidential Truth or Dare

And I want America to win. Everything. No matter what it is. For 2 weeks every 2 years I love America and I hate every other country in the world (except Italy). I am totally captivated by the whole thing. No matter what the athletes are competing at. They could be playing Hockey, Beer Pong or Truth or Dare.

That makes me think. You know what would be even better than the Olympics, if all the worlds leaders got together every two years and played truth or dare. Then if our leaders want to keep secrets they would have to embarrass themselves. Do you think it would be worth it to Bush to tell the truth about the reason we invaded Iraq to avoid having to the truffle shuffle. I know I want to find out.

If we all vote for it, they can't say no. Let's get the word out people.

According to CNN... Part 1

Enjoy this first post in a list of many that will be based on stories that CNN Reported.


Apparently according to CNN, new car smell is toxic. And Teflon, that great product that makes it possible for me to burn the hell out of food and then not have to scrub it for hours after causes cancer.

First, scientist, let me say thanks for looking out for all of us. Second, screw you. Lie to me you bastards. New car smell works. Now you have to tell me it's because less Oxygen is getting to my brain. Did you ever stop to think that maybe, just maybe, my brain gets too much oxygen as it is.

And Teflon causing cancer... You know what, don't start knocking down ideas until you have an alternative. Come up with a great "other" Teflon and I will listen to you. Otherwise stop trying to help me.

Science, you officially have 1 week to tell me that Doritos cure childhood leukemia. What are you waiting for science, go do it!

Home Movies (No, not those kind)

My I suggest a TV show to you. It's called Home Movies. You can see it weeknights at midnight on the Cartoon Network. It's hilarious. It's subtle. It's great.

They have a great collection of guest voices and all of them are great.

The show is about three kids who shoot home movies (that are generally horrible), their soccer coach (who never actually coaches and should not be anywhere near kids) and Brendan (the main character) mom.

I think the people who did Dr. Katz are involved in it.

That's all watch it. But do me a favor, watch a few episodes. It's been my experience that whenever you tell someone to watch a show, they catch the episode where something that never happens happens. Don't do that. It's worth enjoying.

Don't Meet Me At Foxwood's

I could never live near a casino. Here's why...

1. I am not an Indian.

2. I believe in being "due". (Slot machines apparently do not)

3. Old people freak me out. (Can someone explain to me how in normal life I never see someone with an oxygen tank. In a casino I usually see at least 3)

4. Buffets hold so much promise, and always disappointing.

5. I am powerless against small Asian men. (okay, this only holds true in casinos. But for some reason any time the dealer is small and Asian I lose my money very fast. I am not saying it is the fault of Asians as a whole, but just these Asians. But think about it people, what are the odds. They are small. Which means they are tricky...tricky Asians)

6. Shiny things make me want to touch them. (I would be so busy touching all the shiny things in the casino I would never get to eat. Except at the buffet, {see point 4}.

7. I don't think it should cost 25 cents to pull a lever. (I just don't. I enjoy levers. Believe you me, I love levers. But 25 cents, for one pull. It seems like we are forgetting why we went into Iraq in the first place.)

That's all for now...but there are other reasons. That I will save for my trip to Vegas in March. That's right, I just listed reasons I hate casinos and then I am said I am going to Vegas anyway. Got a problem with that! (Don't hit me, I'm fragile {but in a manly way})

A New Focus...

I have been looking around the world of blogging and discovered I may have infact made a mistake with my current blog. It lacks focus. It lacks a point. It is simply random thoughts and observations of a guy most people don't know. I provide no other information other than the things that I hate.

I need a focus. A selling point. A reason people would come back day after day. I need a purpose. I need to provide a service. Otherwise , it's just me rambling.

But what focus. What thing do I do better than anyone else? What service could I provide? Any ideas? Please post a comment about it. I am open to all things.

I've got a couple of ideas, but I want to know what the public wants. All two of you...

Messing Up At Work

It totally sucks when it happens. But worse than that, is being accused of messing up when you didn't. That give's you that "grrrrrr" feeling on the inside. I once worked for AMC and and i often got yelled at (and I mean YELLED at) all the time for nothing.

But you know what's worse than that. The preemptive yell. That's like fourteen extra rrrrrrrrrrrrr's. When you are doing the right thing and someone give you attitude anyway. You should totally be allowed to smack that person. Any comment you could make would not get the job done. The only acceptable thing is violence.

"Hey. Make sure you don't do that thing you've never done or even thought of doing." or "Hey. That think you asked me about to make sure you got it right. Don't get it wrong!" Those are the types of comments that are not made by productive members of society.

Can we all email our congressperson and tell them that we should make it legal to hit preemtive yellers. Or at least incorrect yellers.

Good Bye WB

Incase you didn't know this, before long there will be no more WB (or UPN, but who watches WB). The two are combining to form one network. Now some may say, "Great! They only had 1/2 a network's worth of shows!". To you I say, shut up!

Listen, everyone knows that the UPN never had a good show, save the year they aired Buffy The Vampire Slayer. But the WB had Dawson's Creak. And um....Buffy in the early years. And Angel... Where else will we turn for 20 something acting like 15 somethings?

I need dramody. I need teen angst. I need quirky people doing crazy things. Is Fox going to give it to me? No. They would air American Idol 24 hours a day if they could. And CBS is too busy doing forensic investigations.

I for one say, I will miss you WB. Before you go, may I make a suggestion? WB: The College Years! I am telling you, it will work! Sort of....

A History of Violence

I can honestly say that I have never backed down from a fight in my life. I never went out looking for one, and I have been really afraid that I would get my ass kicked, but I have never backed down. I even beat someone up once. Well, not beat them up...

Here is the story. 3rd Grade. P.S. 30. Lunch time. Playground. There I am. Playing baseball (with a tennis ball and a wiffle ball bat) (We weren't allowed to use an actual baseball). This kid was picking on me. I forget his name. But I remember what he looks like. He was thin and wirey. He kind of looked like a rat. He loved to just piss people off and then run away. He was doing that to me. He would say something. i would chase him. He would get away.

Finally I decided that I was going to take a stand and insult him back. Oddly enough, no one had ever tried that. (We were in third grade. We were not smart.) He got mad. Really mad. There was no longer a need to chase him. Homeboy was coming after me.

He charged, and I mean charged. Head down and full speed, he was coming at me. As he got closer I got worried that he was really going to hurt me. Then.....I stepped to the left. That's all it took. He blew right by me. Tripping along the way and falling flat on his face. He cut himself all over. So much so that he had to go to the nurse and may have needed stiches (I may have added the stiches to make the story better).

I had totally kicked his ass without even touching him. I actually learned a lot that day. i will pass it on to you.

Mad people are stupid. They are so blinded by being mad that they often make mistakes that give the perfect chance to take them down. You would be amazed at how often you can solve your problem with a mean angry person by stepping to the left.

Homeless Conversation

Last Wednesday i had one of the most unusual encounters with a homeless person that I have ever had. I was standing on the platform, waiting for the train as I am one to do. I had a show that night so I was going through my set in my head. I accidently made eye contact with a homeless woman.

For those that live in the city, you know what that means. We're friends now. I knew the second we made eye contact that she was going to speak to me. I wondered what she was going to say. I hoped she was not an angy woman. I personally was pulling for religion. I don't mind being called a sinner every know and then, it's probably true.

So there I am, ready for a crazy homeless woman encounter. She smiles as me. None of the teeth in her mouth were the same color or pointing in the same direction.

She turns to me and in the most articulate (if not english) voice I had heard in a while she says, "that shirt looks really good o on you. Most men are afraid to wear purple, but you really pull it off." I could not have been more startled if she told me she was an alien.

She continued to tell me that I should also try pink or lavender because she also thought I would look good in those colors. And you know what, I DO!

So not all homeless people are crazy. Some are very helpful.

Gonna be better soon

I'm going to be better at this whole blogging thing. I should be writing more and I am going to. That said, what do I write about tonight?

So Bin Laden released a new tape today. It reminded me of my little 9-11 story. So here is a small part of it.

I was on Canal street when everything went down. I had to walk to park slope brooklyn. If you know me, you know that I never know where the hell I am going directionwise. My plan, walk to a bridge, stay along the water until something looks familiar.

So I get into brooklyn and I am walking through a part of town I have never been in before. I am listening to the radio in my headphones. They are telling about all the planes that are missing and everything that is going on. It was scary. I was on edge.

All of a sudden I look up. What do I see? A man pointing a shotgun at me saying, "Don't fuckin move." Yeah. I almost shit myself. Apparently I was walking past a lot where armored cars drop of money and an armored car was pulling in as I walked by.

Still. That is the wrong day to do that. That's my little story. I'll have more soon.

Poker Night 2

We're doing another Poker Night. It's Tuesday, January 17th at the Ace of Clubs again. The new line up is not going to be officially announced for about another week but I can assure you it is going to be a very funny show. Come see it. It could (but probably won't) change your life.