Thursday, April 26, 2007

You're going to look me in the eye and say that?

I had a physical a few days ago. When I told my doctor that I sometimes get swelling in my ankles she suggested I use support hose under my clothes. What? Seriously?

This woman had the balls. The Gigantic Ball to look me straight in the eye and suggest I wear support hose. I am a thirty year old man. I have not given up on life. I put on a few pounds in the last few months, should I wear a corset too?

Come on Doc. If I am going to listen to you about anything you have to show me that you are at can be trusted. Think about it, even if I was giving you the best advice in the world, if I started the sentence with something like, "the goblins that life in my bookcase told me about this," you would totally stop listening. Well, it's the same thing. There are an equal number of goblins living my bookcase as there are self respecting dudes who wear support hose under their cloths.

I would tell you the other advise she gave me, but to be honest I stopped listening right around, support hose.

Sunday, April 01, 2007

It's Okay Atreyu, There's Nothing To Worry About. Or Is There?

When i arrived home today I saw that my landlord had placed all the buildings garbage on the curb. Laying very prominently in the pile was a large broken mirror. On it was a HUGE note that read "BROKEN MIRROR".

Who is this note intended for? I can see that the mirror is broken. After much deliberation I determined that there was one of two possibilities.

First Possibility: The person who placed it there was concerned that people might see it and be concerned that passersby would think that it was a portal to an alternate universe that was being destroyed.

Second Possibility: It is an alternate universe that is being destroyed and the person who placed it trying to keep it a secret. That bastard! I hope alternate me is okay.