Sunday, January 28, 2007

Hugh Grant - Dude Kryptonite

Is there any guy on the planet that makes other guys turn the channel faster than Hugh Grant? I submit there is not. The second you see him you know you are about to see a lame ass romantic comedy that will make your girlfriend cry and you want to throw up. Couldn't he just shake things up for once. Hugh, give Tarantino a call man. He made Travolta seem a little bad ass. He'll come up with some crazy shit where cut out a guys spleen and make a scarf out of it (all to a catchy song). Then maybe guys will leave your movies on for more than 8 seconds.

Seriously. Just shoot one dude in a movie. Not learn your lesson about love in one frickin movie. Shave your face with a pocket knife. Laugh as two dogs fight in a pit. Something. How am I going to take you seriously if you spend all your time acting like a romantic English dude? American men, and when I say American men I mean all American men, every single one, hate romantic English dudes. I'm just sayin' Hugh, it's a good idea.

Monday, January 22, 2007

I'm a gadget nerd

I just got a new phone and it can connect to the Internet and that is pretty much all I have done since I got it. I was literally sitting next to my computer (which can also very easily connect to the Internet) and I was still using my phone. I am usually pretty good at not spending money on stuff that I really don't need, But when it comes to gadgets, I'm like a drug addict. I'll steal money from a nun if it will help get the next cool thing.

Monday, January 08, 2007

When You Think About Magic

I was thinking about Magic today. I hope that one day I have the ability to do magic. Now it's very important for you to understand when i say this that when I say "magic" I mean actually doing impossible things. Not being some lame illusionist like David Copperfield or David Blaine.

But if in order to do that magic I need to use a magic wand, I think it might not be worth it. Let's just get real for a second here folks, the magic wand is the pocket protector of magic. Shooting fireballs out of your hands, now that's cool. I would shooting fireballs out of my hands all day long if I had that power. But having to take out a dinky little stick to shoot a fireball. By the time I reached into my bag, took the stick out of it's sheath (If I am going to have a wand I am not going to get it scuffed) and pointed it the whatever needed fireballin' I would have probably already lost interested (or eatin by the thing that needed fireballin' because fireball necessitating things are usually good at sneaking up on you).

And don't even get me started on potions...

Thursday, January 04, 2007

Sometimes It's Better To Fail - Isn't that right, Balls Mahoney

After working VERY late this Tuesday I happened to turn on some pro wrestling. Yeah, that's right. I said. I watched Pro Wrestling. I don't "watch" Pro Wrestling. But on this night I happened to watch it. On this night I discovered that if you have a dream and you work hard and you give it your all, you just night succeed. And that sometimes that's the worst thing could possibly happen to you. I discovered a wrestler by the name of Balls Mahoney.

I know they need wrestlers to beat otherwise the good wrestlers wouldn't stand out but how do you don that to a man? How do you look a grown man in the face and say, "Sir, from now on you will be known as Balls. Balls Mahoney. And not only that. You will not be very good." And before you get all up in my face and be all like, but Dustin, Balls was ECW tag-team champion 3 times, twice with Spike Dudley and once with Masato Tanaka, I say to you...shut up! You are such a wrestling nerd.

I really hope that if I ever reach my dream of being a Professional Comic they don't make me take the name Nuts McGee (although in this one particular case it might actually help my career . Who's going to remember the name Dustin D'Addato?).