Tuesday, December 27, 2005

A New Years Miracle

In my entire life I have only made the mistake of trying to go to Times Square for New Years once. If you never have, don't. It's cold. It's crowded and if you have to go to the bathroom you can't come back. And guess what hot shot, they have it on TV, just watch the damn thing on TV.

But I made the mistake and I went one year. The plan: Find a bar. Drink at said bar. At 11:30 go to Times Square. See the ball drop. How did it turn out? Two words, "Yeah, right!"

First of all, you can't get into bars in NYC without paying a cover. No problem, you say. Just pay the 15 bucks. But it ain't no 15 bucks. It's like 75 or 100. Yeah, you get open bar, but I don't drink that much. I'm not having 20 drinks so I am not paying your obscene cover. How dare you try to pull that crap on me.

So, no bar. Therefore, no drinks. So it's New Years Eve. We're stone cold sober. It's 15 degrees out and we are wandering the streets with no destination. At around 11:15 we decide it's time to head to Times Square. Turns out, you have to commit a little bit sooner. 8 hours sooner. We couldn't even see the ball from where we were. Or see a clock.

But I have to admit that the people that were surrounding us were very nice and everyone was drunk and happy. It was nice.

By this point I am sure you are thinking, this thing is called New Years miracle. So where is the damn miracle. Here it comes.

The ball drops (theoretically) and we all cheer. In the excitement someone knocks off my glasses (at the time I had glasses). I had just paid 300 bucks for those suckers. I instantly freaked. I'm in a crowd of like, what, a million people and I just dropped a see through object onto a floor covered in glitter. There was no way I was finding those things.

With the power that previously had only been seen when a car falls on a baby and a mother needs to lift it, I pushed the entire crowd back so no one would step on them. And within a matter of seconds a friend reached down and grabbed them. (I didn't even try, I was holding back a million people).

It's not a big miracle. But to me it was like Jesus reached out and said, here are your glasses back, you little scamp. Be more careful next time.

Sunday, December 18, 2005

The Comedians Of Comedy

For those of you who have not heard of it, Comedy Central is airing a show called The Comedians of Comedy. It follows 4 stand up comics on a comedy tour and shows all the fun behind the scene stuff. This show seriously could not have been more made for me unless is was a show called, "Hot Chicks That Secretly Want To Sleep With Dustin Talk About How Hot He Is And How Much They want to Do Him."

It's so interesting to see a bunch of comics who I consider to be successful dealing with their own personal frustrations over the fact that they don't think they are successful. It's funny and it's a good look into a place that I one day hope to be in.

You should check it out.

Thursday, December 15, 2005

My watch

The battery to my watch died last week. This week has been hell! I am a slave to time. Deadlines. Rehearsals. Lunch. I need to know the time for all these things. Without a watch I am screwed. Now some may say that you can see the time almost anywhere you look. That's true. But I like it on my wrist.

There are many people who don't like to wear a watch. How do they live? With some many things based on time it seems like you would be late all the time. Do they think they are too cool to be on time? Listen my friend. Being late is UNCOOL!

Am I some how a square for wanting to know the time? Am I a square for wanting to be punctual. Am I a square for using the word square?

I don't believe in fashionably late. Well, I mean I have heard of it. I've seen people try to do it. But I think it's better to be fashionably early. So that when the host is all worried that no one is going to come, there you are to pay them back for the party. As a host, do you ever like the fashionably late people? No. You don't. You like the person who comes 20 minutes after the party is supposed to start and brings beer and chips. And who wears a watch.

I need a new battery soon. Time, I miss you....

Wednesday, December 07, 2005

One Of The Worst Ideas Ever...

So I read an article today explaining that Coke was coming out with a new drink. If you know me, you know I love coke. I cut them all sorts of slack because the drink tastes so good. But now they are going to far.


Coke is developing Coke-Cola Blak. A coffee flavored soft drink. No! I say you can not do that Coke. I forgave you for New Coke. I forgave you for putting lime in Coke. I sort of like Vanilla Coke (which is no more incase you didn't know). But you can't just do whatever you want. You must stop the insanity!

Coffee and sort drinks do not match. Both have their own place. Both are good, but not together. For example, I like Jell-o, and I like baked ziti. But if you put jell-o in my baked ziti I am going to be mad. Same for coffee in my coke.

It's a slippery slope people, first they put coffee in your coke, next people are marrying dogs. We've got to stop it now!

Sunday, December 04, 2005

Poker Night

Tomorrow is "Poker Night"...

It's a brand spanking new Variety show hosted by me, Nick Turner and Shayna Ferm.
Here are the details...

Poker Night
@ The Ace Of Clubs
9 Great Jones St.
8 pm

With Special Guests:
Johm Mullany
Kristen Schaal
Christian Finnegan

Come check it out. You will have a good time.