Monday, November 28, 2005

I'm Not Telling You What I Am Thankful For!

I like the Thanksgiving thing. Everyone gets together. They eat. They talk about life. It's nice. It makes families all warm and cozy. But I was thinking, why don't we have a day of resent. I mean think about it. If you ask me what I am thankful for I really need to think about it. Sure, there's health. Loved ones. Employment. But I mean, who wants to sit around a table and talk about that stuff. LAME!!! But if you ask me about what I resent, I will say "pull up a chair friend and let me tell you a tale'"

Or how about a day of taking things for granted. I say "thank you" like 100 times a day (yes, I am very polite). I want a day where someone could hold a door open for me and I say, "damn straight, bitch!" That would be a day that I could get behind. And you wouldn't have to change much. Family already takes each other for granted. Oh, you worked two days cooking? I brought over a box of cookies. Now we're even. It's happening all the time people.

I say we make August 15 "Taking Things for Granted Day" since there are like no holidays in August and we make it a Wednesday and just assume that we would get off both Thursday and Friday. (You get it, we would take for granted that they would give us those days off. I'm such a card.)

Then we make Resent day February 29th. That way we can Resent the fact that it only happens once every four years. I'm going to start a petition. Here I go. See you later.

Thursday, November 17, 2005

But It's Tradition...

Everyone has their own traditions. Most of the time they are comforting. They remind you of an earlier time. They bring people together. But there are others that are just annoying. Here is one of mine that sucks.

Every year on the Friday after Thanksgiving all of my high school friends and I get together and play football. For most people that one be fun. I hate it. I am not good at all. And it is always super cold. And I always ruin my clothes. And most people don't want to play. But it's tradition, so every year we do it. The reason that everyone gives for playing is, "well we always do." So? Let's change it. How about the new tradition is that everyone gives me 50 dollars, and after the first year I can say, well you have to because that's what we do, we give me money.

Fight sucky traditions. Don't let people make you do things. Or at least make it so I benefit financially from whatever it is.

Monday, November 14, 2005

Sometimes I Is Stupid

No matter how hard I try to be smart, I ain't (sometimes). Last week I proved it. But I am not sure I am the only one who has even done this thing I am about to explain. If you have done it, please let me know so I don't feel so bad.

I was heading towards the subway and on my way through the turnstyle when I just totally forgot that you need to pay to get on the subway. I walked full speed into the metal bar. Mind you, I was in the middle of time square so there was a bunch of people behind me. All looking at me as though I was a complete idiot and I was. How the hell did I forget you need to pay to get on the subway? The scary thing is that this was not the first time that happend. I felt stupid.

Eventually I used my metrocard and got on the train. When the train came to my stop I took one step off before I realized that we had not infact pulled into my stop, but we were one stop short. And the same people who saw me forget to pay for the subway now were watching me not know where the hell I was going. I could feel their eyes roll.

So when you are looking at people on the subway and you see some idiot doing something stupid, realize it may be me.

Wednesday, November 09, 2005

Small Town In The Big City

I generally don't like small towns. Mostly because I am not patient enough to have to travel 20 minutes to get milk (I don't drink milk, but if I ever want it, it will be right away). I don't like the lack of options. And they generally do not have even one good pizza place.

However, what I do like about small towns is the personal service that you get there because everyone in the town knows each other and stores rely on the business of the people in that town. With 8 million people in NYC you don't get that very often. Except in one place I have discovered, the donut truck.

You know the ones I am talking about. The small silver stand that sells coffee, donuts, muffins and bagels. There is one on virtually every corner. And that's what makes them so different, that there is one on every corner, so if you don't like the guy in the cart here, go 50 feet and there is another guy with the exact same donuts. So what separates one donut guy from another? Personality and caring.

I get a can of Pepsi and a chocolate donut with sprinkles just about every morning. And I get it from the same donut cart. Why? Because it's in the bag waiting for me when I get there. The two guys in the cart know what I want and they have it ready. We chat for a few seconds and I feel as though they care. Not a lot, but just enough. I once had a donut guy who refused to sell the last chocolate donut to someone else because he knew that I came for one every day and he didn't want me to be disappointed when it was not there.

I like that. It makes me feel special. When I am crammed into a subway with hundreds of other people every morning, annoyed that I am awake and sitting on mass transportation I remember that somewhere there are two nice men waiting to give me a donut and wish me a good day. That's nice. It's like a mom and pop store in the middle of Manhattan.

Monday, November 07, 2005

Famous Dinner Party

A funny party game (according to the television) is if you could have a dinner party with anyone that has ever lived who would it be. I personally have never played that game, heard of anyone playing that game, or had any desire to play the game. so much so, I figured that I would just post here who would be at the dinner party so that if anyone ever asked me I could say, look at my blog and then leave the room. So here it goes. (I am assuming 4 people, without spouses)

1. Joseph McCarthy - Man, did he hate communism. He was a nut job and ruined a lot of peoples lives. I am very curious where this hatred stemmed from. I would be very interested to discuss his fears and the things he enjoyed (we never hear about that). I wonder if he feels like an ass now, knowing how weak communism really was. (although China is communist and they are bad ass).

2. Wilt Chamberlain - He slept with 10,000 woman. While I understand that is physically possible I find it very hard to believe. Although I doubt that Wilt would lie to me. But think about it, that's a big time commitment. You have to think he probably did at least 400 of those woman to get his number up. Imagine that for a moment.

3. Rachel Leigh Cook - She's very pretty. I want to know when she will be making "Josie and the Pussycats 2". The first one was very underrated. I know what you are thinking, "What. That movie sucked." Did it? Or do you just think it did. I'll bet you never even saw it. Because if you did you would see that it is a funny original film that is very deserving of a sequel. I know that I want to see more of those characters, and not just because it was three very pretty girls. But because of the interesting story telling and the jokes that challenged, rather than insulted, my intelligence. Rachel played Josie and I would bet that she has the inside track on any Josie news. I am sure I could convince her that a sequel was both appropriate and needed. And she is very pretty.

4. Mr. T - How much fun would it be to hang out with the T. I am sure that he is bat shit insane, but I'll bet he's got great stories. And I have so many questions about the A-Team. I'll bet no one has ever said, "Man, that was so boring hanging out with Mr. T." He's a good time and everyone knows it. I think he would be good at breaking the ice with everyone at the table. I just hope he doesn't take all the attention away from me...

So there you go.

Thursday, November 03, 2005

Pay Attention Random People!

So I was picking up my clothes at the laundromat the other day. Yes I drop of my clothes. It's my way of treating myself. My time is imporant to me. I don't want to waste any of it looking at a washing machine.

So I walked into the place and gave my ticket to the unhappy lady behind the counter. There were about 8 other people there doing their own laundry. They also seemed pretty unhappy. (See why I just drop off and pick up. I don't want to be one of those unhappy people.) As I was waiting for the lady to find my bag (for the record it was directly behind her and I tried to point that out, but she was having none of it) a new song came on the radio. That song, "Dirty Laundry" by Don Henley.

Remember, I am in the laundromat and the song "dirty laundry" is playing. That's...well, not funny, but enjoyable. It's something you notice. You smile. You say, "hmmm, that's cool. What are the odds of that?". But there was no reaction from anyone. Like they didn't even notice.

Come on. It deserves a reaction of some kind. Laundromat, "dirty laundry". Seriously people, notice these things. Think about all the other things you may be missing. Like your ability to look into the future. "But Dustin" you say, "I can't look into the future." To which I say, "Maybe you can, but you just haven't noticed it because you were too busy thinking about eating or that cute person who's naughty parts you want to touch with your hand, face and naughty parts."

Will I go back to that laundromat? Maybe. Will it ever be the same for me? No way!!!!

Tuesday, November 01, 2005

Never Dracula Again!

When I was young I did not have a lot of money. I mean, personally I had almost no money but my family had very little as well. One place that I was reminded of this was on Halloween. My family literally never purchased costumes. I was only able to wear whatever my grandmother could make from what we already had at home. Which would have been fine, except for one thing. She didn't like making costumes.

I was dracula 4 years in a row. 4 years. Kids notice that. All the kids notice that. They made fun of it. Halloween is not fun when people hate your costume.

If I ever have a kid, I am going to make sure they have a great (and different) costume every year. Kids in good costumes are the cutest things ever. Even cuter, kids in bad costumes. But kids in the same damn costume...lame.