Giving to the homeless

Last night I did something that I almost never do. I gave money to a homeless person. Specifically it was a woman who was crying and had a big cut in the back of her leg. She was clearly having a bad day, if not a bad life. Although I guess it can be assumed that things aren't really going your way if you are homeless. But this woman seemed pretty bad off. Compared to many people I see on the train who ask for money she was rare. Most frankly don't know that they are doing. It occured to me that with the advent of public internet places that a lot of homeless people might be surfing the web, so if you are homeless and reading this know, I am here to to help. Now with money, but with some suggestions on how you may get more money. Here it goes.

Dress For Success
Listen, I understand that just because you are homeless that doesn't mean that you have to dress like a homo with ripped pants and broken shoes and all that. But if you are going to ask me for money, you better dress the part. In my closet right now I have two pairs of pants with holes in them. And 50% of my socks do too. If you are wearing nicer pants than I, I am not going to give you money.

What's Your Motivation
I could not imagine anything worse then being poor and alone and having to beg others for money just so I could eat. It has to be one of the most miserable things anyone ever has to do. So that's why it is very important to convey that when you are asking people for money. If you're all "whatever" about it then I'm not going to think you really care about it. Especially those guys who say the same thing every time. Change it up. Surprise me. Do stand up comedy. Then I will feel like you have provided a service.

Get a Kid.
If you have a kid, I will give you money. So go get one. They don't eat much and they will totally triple your income. But after the first kid, it starts cutting into your profit margin, so pretend you're in China and keep it to one.


Follow these three pointers and you are sure to be a happy and successful homeless person. As usual, if you have anything to add please feel free to click the little comment link below the post and tell me what you else you think could help.