The Sick Passenger

You thought I was going to forget to blog today didn’t you. So little faith…. I have faith in you, you know. I know that if you just apply yourself you can do most anything. Because when you’ve got faith of the heart you can do anything. Oh Enterprise (the prequel to Star Trek) you are filled with such obvious wisdom. What did we ever do without you?

So my rant today has to do with the subway, specifically the sick passenger. I myself have never actually seen a sick passenger on the subway. But apparently it happens all the time. So we need to clear a few things up incase you find yourself on the train and feeling sick. Here are a few rules to live by…

Rules

1) Get off the train. If you are sick and you need medical attention, please note that the train conductor (who’s not really conducting any more, he’s more like hanging out and turning a little knob. Of course I don’t know what the old train conductors did, so in reality they might have done that too, but for the time being, let’s just saying he’s not conducting) is not a doctor. Odds are no one on the train is a doctor because they have enough money to take cabs. So pull your pained, withering body off the train so people can continue on the way.

2) If you must get sick on the train do it in a place that doesn’t suck. Like on the J line. No one takes the J line, or the M line of the Z line. (I was going to make a lame J, Z joke but I’m sure you can do that for yourself and as I said, it would have been lame.

3) The train will jolt when it starts moving. So like, watch out for that. I think most sick passengers are people who just fell when the train started moving. And I feel bad about that. I don’t want to see anyone (okay, I don’t want to see most people) get hurt but every single time the train starts moving, it jolts forward. It’s a 40 ton piece of metal that is going from still to not still, it’s going to jolt. Expect it. Wait until the train starts moving or sit down right away. You have been warned. From now on, if you fall I will laugh and push you out of the train at the next stop.

Those are my rules for now. There is a handy little section for comments write under this article if you would like to add some of your own rules or if you just want to tell me to go screw you can do that too. But if the latter is your choice, please be specific as to who you want me to screw (I would really prefer it if it were my girlfriend that you suggested since she gets a little angry when I consider screwing other girls). Have a nice day. (but after today, you are on your own buddy.)